hopelessnesshopelessness
your heart was like velvet in my ear beating harsh and rough against your ohsopale chest your stomach was like the ocean moving up and down in constant waves of yesnoyes breath your hands were acting of their own accord running over and over the ridges of my smalldeepugly scars
your lips were mouthing words of hope and love and life and loss and lies and hurt your lips were spitting hate twisting and molding your face into something else, something only i saw your lips were spelling the truth each harsh word carving deeper and deeper until i couldn't feel anymore
Shower.Shower.
I felt so ugly. So used. I kept picturing his hands on my skin. So soft. So caressing. So deceptive. It felt as if it was covered in layer upon layer of dirt. As if it had no right to be there. As if it was his. His skin, to do with what he pleased. I couldn't believe I'd fooled myself. Oh, I knew he didn't want me. But the kisses had kept coming. The small looks grew more frequent. I gave myself false hope. I grew to believe he cared for me. I lied to myself. I told myself over and over that this is how I'm meant to be treated. How I should be treated. So, I let him. I hated it, but allowed it. After all,
Wanted.My breath caught in my throat as I saw them. His hand inching towards her. Her body angled towards him. I backed out slowly, no-one having noticed me walk in. Once outside, the tears came crashing down as my feet moved to an unknown rhythm, leading me away, far, far away. I couldn't believe it. Him and her. Her, of all people. Oh, gods. I had no strength left anymore. I simply could not handle the thought of them. I blinked heavily and looked around. I was at a cliff. The cliff. Our cliff. Where we all went. Where we had many good memories. I cried out in frustration, why did my feet bring me here, here of all places? I sank to the ground inWanted.
Shout It Out.I am nothing. I am weak. I am ugly. I am simply complicated. I am what you are happy you aren't. I am poor. I am weird. I am not truthful. I lie to keep you happy. I am not who you want to be. I am jealous. I am angry. I am always sad. I am depressed. I am suicidal. I am known as the friend that always helps the others out. I am a freak. I am judged by my looks. I am not good enough. I am loyal, and I hate it. I am afraid. I am never happy. I will lie for you. I will be your rock. I will help you. I wShout It Out.
The darkness within my soulWhen you look at the black sky its still not as darkThe darkness within my soul
as my soul
My eyes pitch black and if you look at me
the murk pulls you in making you pant for air
as the thick air strangles your throat making you gag
And then you step back knowing this is evil your eyes widening
As you see the darkness in my soul this evil smirk
Those deep eyes burning into you turning you evil
pigeons are full of shitthe sun hasn't shone for days, and the pigeons on the telephone wires outside my window won't quit shitting on the world. it's just as well.pigeons are full of shit
it won't stop raining, it won't stop fucking raining, it's cold as shit in my house and it won't stop fucking raining. i'll drive somewhere, maybe. get some food or something. i often wonder how those damn pigeons can sit on those wires and not get shocked, not even in the rain. i wish i could do that. if i could, i'd climb right up those poles and roost up there with them.
we'd chat about nothing, but probably what we'd seen that day. one would probably brag about sitting
my heart beats in dialtones. chello?my heart beats in dialtones. c
maybe there are too many things i've been waiting to say.
---
hello robert.
you don't have to call me back, but i wanted to tell you that i love you. i love you and that messy printing you always use to write the inaccurate equations that lead to my heart. i love you and the beautiful mess you are that smiles when i pick up trash in my pretty pink dress that i say makes me look fat but you tell me that i never could because i am as thin as the ice that covers me when you aren't around. i love you even though you never answer your phone; even though i've been calling you for yea
rainI want you to wipe the raindrops out of my facerain
as I close my eyes and enjoy your touch your finger tips across my skin
and the water drops off my chin your finger tips sliding along my eyelids
running your hands through my damb hair which slowly becomes soaked as the rain drops down on me
as you breathe against my lips brushing them with yours while your fingers
loose from me
your touch fading and I open my eyes the warmth of your hands gone
feel free to check out the rest of my gallery.
--
all we have to decide is what to do with the time given to us.
--
Each man kills the thing he loves. -Oscar Wilde
The hawk on fire hangs still. Dilly dilly, calls the loft hawk, come and be killed. Dilly dilly, come let us die.
it's those stupid things we say in the rain, the words that can't ever be washed away.
--
i'm not afraid to die. but i'm afraid to dry./
"Je ne suis pas d’accord avec ce que vous dites, mais je me
battrai jusqu’? la mort pour que vous ayez le droit de le dire"
Cheers
--
I am not a vegetarian because I love animals; I am a vegetarian because I hate plants
--
so pregnant with meaning i am lactating not really
--
I will move away from here
You won't be afraid of fear
No thought was put into this
I always knew to come to this
Things have never been so swell
I have never felt so well
--
"As I drowned Her gentle curves, with dreams unsaid and final words.."
-Cradle Of Filth
--
and i've tried hard to prove that i am strong.
julia nunes
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